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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139178">Fever + Flashback</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan'>NatalieRyan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MacGyver (TV 2016), Wunderkind (MacGyver TV 2016 Fanfiction)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort, Cuddles, Day 21, Father and Son Relationship, Fever, Flashback, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mac's flashback and memories are triggered by the fever, Past Rape/Non-con, Whump, Whumptober 2020, Wunderkind related story, discussing attempted suicide, feverish Mac, inspired by Whumptober day 1 by N1ghtshade, reference to the assumed attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:53:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Ever since I started planning for Whumptober, I knew that I was definitely gonna write a fever fic. There was some brainstorming going on between yours truly and Sabrina, Thistle, as well as with the discord bunch. I couldn't decide who the whumpee of choice should be despite all of the talks, until I read thistle's story for Whumptober day 1. At the time I didn't give it much thought past the feels and tears, but after a while I was, what if Mac gets a fever and has a flashback from that exact time? And voila. </p><p>Heed the tags. This story picks up from the events of thistle's story, and there's discussed attempt of suicide (that if you read the story you'll see it's assumed and it was actually attempt of murder masked as suicide, on Mac while he was just starting his prison sentence). That said, this story belongs in the Wunderkind 'verse, and the setting is one day in the future. The triggers are actually the last mission they were on + the fever that's induced by the stress and Mac's fear over what he is reminded of. </p><p>As always, thank you N1ghtshade for everything. Listening to me screech about this story, the beta, and most of all for letting me play in your sandbox.</p><p>The story in question:<br/><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749531">Noose + Options</a></p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Dalton &amp; Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [21]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fever + Flashback</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1ghtshade/gifts">N1ghtshade</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ever since I started planning for Whumptober, I knew that I was definitely gonna write a fever fic. There was some brainstorming going on between yours truly and Sabrina, Thistle, as well as with the discord bunch. I couldn't decide who the whumpee of choice should be despite all of the talks, until I read thistle's story for Whumptober day 1. At the time I didn't give it much thought past the feels and tears, but after a while I was, what if Mac gets a fever and has a flashback from that exact time? And voila. </p><p>Heed the tags. This story picks up from the events of thistle's story, and there's discussed attempt of suicide (that if you read the story you'll see it's assumed and it was actually attempt of murder masked as suicide, on Mac while he was just starting his prison sentence). That said, this story belongs in the Wunderkind 'verse, and the setting is one day in the future. The triggers are actually the last mission they were on + the fever that's induced by the stress and Mac's fear over what he is reminded of. </p><p>As always, thank you N1ghtshade for everything. Listening to me screech about this story, the beta, and most of all for letting me play in your sandbox.</p><p>The story in question:<br/><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749531">Noose + Options</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was in the kitchen when he heard the loud thump. He left the kid napping in his room when they returned from the mission and as the hours progressed, Jack assumed that he was right about Mac coming down with a cold. The last few days Mac was fighting a scratchy throat, his eyes were constantly leaking (and after Jack confronted him about it Mac claimed allergies), and as from today on Mac was sniffling. Jack wanted to be prepared for just in case so he pulled out a pot and the ingredients he needed for his mom's chicken soup. It could have really been allergies, and Jack could have been overreacting and being his typical mother-hen himself, but a good ol' chicken soup was for warming up as well so it wouldn't hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the loud thud was heard, Jack hurried to turn off the stove and to go and check on his partner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only, when he got to Mac's room, he found Mac's clothes on the floor and the shower was running. Jack should have been able to hear the stream, but he wasn't sure why he didn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't time for wondering though because he had to locate Mac.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Jack did locate Mac, his heart seized. The kid was curled in on himself, arms wrapped around his knees, shivering and naked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack approached carefully, trying not to spook Mac, and judging by the way Mac looked into the distance, sniffling, he didn't see Jack coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack carefully turned the knob to close the overhead shower, and he almost burned himself with how hot the water was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, kid, the water was scalding hot. What were you thinking?” Jack muttered softly under his breath as he slowly walked into the cubicle and crouched in front of Mac. Luckily, Mac's shower was spacious and Jack didn't have to worry about crowding him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, bud.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing Jack's voice made Mac flinch and Jack instantly pull back a few steps when the kid turned his face, but watched Jack with hooded, unseeing eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac whimpered, and Jack wanted nothing more than to find out why Mac was like this. If only he didn't leave Mac alone in his room… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, buddy. It's Jack. I bet it's uncomfortable for you sitting on the tiles. You want to get out of the shower? I'll help you out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to get out.” Mac's voice was scratchy and weak as he talked to Jack… or whoever he was seeing in front of him. “They are going to come for you, too. It's better if it's only just me around when they do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac sounded so dejected, so… ready for what was obviously going to follow in whatever nightmare he was caught in that Jack wanted to be sick. His sweatpants were caught in the water and he was getting soaked himself, but he didn't care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took in Mac's defensive posture and his slight wild look, together with Mac's flushed cheeks and his red-rimmed eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Possibly a fever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Mac.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really need to-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was interrupted by a coughing jag, and with every cough something inside Jack was constricting. He hated to see Mac in pain and being caught up in a feverish nightmare, especially with Mac's history in the past, it was just a recipe for agony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, we need to get you to your room. You are shivering, kid, and I know you think you are back there, but you are not. You are safe and sound, at home with me. Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack spoke as softly as possible, and slowly made progress to get to Mac and try to glean a reaction. It felt like a lifetime before slightly lucid eyes looked at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mac. It's me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You fell in the shower, Mac. I'm guessing that you have a slight fever. Could I help you to your room? Would you let me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac nodded and Jack could see the inner turmoil pasted on Mac's face. Even sick Mac was too self conscious, too afraid to be naked and in a vulnerable position. That fear mixed with the cloud of fever in Mac's blue eyes made something in Jack growl at the injustices and hurts this boy had seen. Too many for his young life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, buddy. I'm gonna lift you up. See, I'm here, I'm just gonna put my hands under your arms and help you up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac lifted his arms slightly, making it possible for Jack to adjust and carefully pull. Mac barely made it one step standing before he almost toppled over again. Jack stopped him from falling again, but it was clear that Mac wasn't going to get to his room on his own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jack gripped Mac tighter to keep him from hitting the tiles again Mac whimpered and tried to get away from Jack's touch. Jack immediately went back to less constricting touch and Mac relaxed although he still swayed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack could feel Mac's skin, clammy and hot to the touch. Mac was still shivering and Jack could feel the fine tremors under his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack pulled at one of the towels hanging next to the shower stall and gently wrapped it around Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bud, can you walk on your own?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know.” Mac looked lost and confused and so, so young that Jack didn't think twice before he scooped him up in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack held Mac close to himself as he carried the kid to Mac's room. He gently placed Mac on the bed and in a well practiced move he picked up another set of clothes for Mac, another towel and the thermometer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, I'm gonna dry you off now, okay. Then, I'm gonna help you get dressed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac only nodded and then winced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your head's hurtin'?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. What else is hurting?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac made a weak attempt to shrug. He was still not coherent enough for Jack's liking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno. Everywhere?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you are all set up. Now, let me just put the towels away and I'll come and measure your temperature.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was lying against the headboard and made no attempt to move as Jack puttered around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt him to have to talk with Mac like this, like Mac was a little kid that Jack had to explain everything to. But Mac had been through hell and Jack would gladly do just that if it made Mac feel safer with Jack around and nothing would set him off as long as Jack was careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't want to send Mac into a spiral about being in a vulnerable position with Jack around, so whatever it took for Mac to feel normal and not seen as weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack returned to the bed, Mac looked more spaced out now, so Jack was careful when he sat on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“i'm back, buddy. Let's get your temp.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack carefully maneuvered Mac to get the thermometer under his tongue. After it beeped, Jack pulled it out and winced at the reading. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“102. It's not too high, but it's getting there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you sorry for? You did nothing wrong.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sick. Should have told you. Fever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, kiddo. It's okay. I'm not mad at you. I want you to know that. Not mad at you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn't… want to worry you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack closed his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it's going to be okay. I'm here and I'm not mad. I'll go and get you an ibuprofen for the fever, okay? I'll be right back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack rushed to the bathroom again to fetch the medicine and then raced back to the kitchen to fill a bowl with water and picked up some dishcloths on his way over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm back. How are you feelin'? I know it's a stupid question, but I always do that. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got a light chuckle out of Mac and Jack carefully helped Mac into a sitting position and handed him the ibuprofen. Mac downed it with a few sips before he set the bottle on the nightstand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink a little bit more, you need the fluids, hoss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can't. Nauseous.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack looked worriedly at the way Mac looked like he was going to be sick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take some deep breaths if you can manage. In through the nose. Hold. Out through the mouth. And repeat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac followed Jack's advice until his face looked less green and Mac's stomach settled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's get you under the covers, Mac. Slowly, no sharp movements.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac hissed when he tried to adjust so Jack could get the covers from under him and once he was on the bed fully again he sort of slumped and started shivering worse than before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I won't be able to wrap you up in a blanket, but when you have a fever, you are supposed to cover yourself only with a light cover or sheet. Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's okay. I'm used to it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More shivers wracked Mac's body as the sheet covered him and Jack grimaced as he felt how hot to the touch Mac was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack placed the cold dishcloth over Mac's forehead and gently ran his hand through Mac's hair as the kid settled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere along the way Mac fell back into a restless slumber. Jack changed the cold compresses until the water warmed up and then he picked up the bowl and went to change it with fresh, cold water. He took some orange juice with him, maybe he could try to get some into Mac. It was important that Mac had fluids. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he returned to the room it was to Mac thrashing in his sleep and crying out. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jack has a horrific realization that Mac almost looks like he is trying to fight restraints. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In one swift stride Jack was next to Mac's bed, leaving his acquisitions on the nightstand and wondering if he should touch Mac at all. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But the way Mac is whimpering and crying out and his hands are coming around himself, Jack wonders if it hurts him more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, wake up. You are having a nightmare. It's not real. Whatever you are seeing, it's not real, buddy. Come back to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Mac continued to thrash and he got tangled in the sheet which turned out to be a bad thing because that was constricting his movements even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack moved to untangle Mac from the sheet and almost got kneed in the process. Once Jack had Mac freed from the sheet all movement stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack breathed a sigh of relief before Mac suddenly started fighting something invisible around his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was scared, and wasn't sure what was Mac seeing, but whatever it was, it had him panicking and crying and pleading softly to someone to let him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, you are okay. Please, stop. You are hurting yourself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac suddenly launched himself in a sitting position and Jack had a moment's warning before he picked up the trashcan next to Mac's bed and supported Mac as Mac emptied his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack gently rubbed Mac's neck as Mac dry heaved and when Jack was sure that Mac wasn't going to throw up again, he had Mac swish his mouth out with some water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac looked somehow more pale than before, his flushed cheeks standing out. His eyes were glassy and unfocused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's check your temp again, shall we?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack tried for lightheartedness, but it came out flat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thermometer read 103.5 degrees and Jack was officially panicking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, your temp has gone up. Like a lot. It's 103.5. Gotta take you to the hospital. I'm not sure that I can-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words were no more than out of Jack's mouth when he got an armful of distressed kid draping himself around Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Jack. Please, I'll be good. Do whatever you want. Just, no!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac had his head buried underneath the junction between Jack's neck and chin and Jack could feel the heat wafting off of Mac's skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buddy, you have to let me-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn't do it. I didn't try to kill myself. I was just trying to loosen it up. And I cut myself and Jack, you have to believe me. I wasn't… I didn't…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac broke out in another coughing jag. Jack held him tight in his arms since Mac didn't want to let go of him. He gently rocked them back and forth, as he tried to come to terms with the new information. He couldn't have been sure if what Mac was saying was true or something his brain cooked up. However it could have definitely happened and Jack's heart was breaking in half for his kid, for this wonderful soul that shouldn't have been so tortured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, son, calm down, okay? I'll figure something out. Just, calm down. I'm here. I won't let you get hurt. I got you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to believe me. No one did. They all thought I… please believe me, Jack. I'd never.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack realized belatedly that Mac was still stressing over the apparent past attempt of suicide that probably wasn't one, but Mac got himself in the middle of something he couldn't control. Prison was brutal and ruthless for someone like Mac and Jack vowed to protect Mac, even from his own warped memories that the fever decided to bring front and center to Mac's mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there was no doubt in Jack's mind that he believed Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you, Mac. I believe you when you say that you didn't want to kill yourself. I believe you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack meanwhile still rocked them back and forth, trying to come up with a viable solution that wasn't going to send his kid into a panic attack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could run me a bath.” Mac rasped out, like he was able to read Jack's mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you are up for one, Mac?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack contemplated Mac's words and he knew that he shouldn't have panicked. Surely, Mac's temp spiked, but it wasn't 104, yet and he could definitely try the bath route and after that if it was still high then… he'd deal with it then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'll make you a deal, Mac, since you almost got yourself hurt earlier in the shower. I'm gonna go and get the bath running. But I'll stay with you the whole time, okay? I don't want to leave you alone in the bath and for you to slip underwater, okay? You are exhausted.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way that Mac readily agreed spoke of a fear Jack knew existed, but it had been a while since he had a front row seat to its showing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack left Mac to undress by himself while he filled the tub with water. Give the kid at least some semblance of normalcy and control over his own body and actions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack decidedly did not think about all the other monstrosities that were going on in prison as he gently bathed Mac, running a sponge softly over clammy skin and praying that his kid would pull through the night without the fever getting higher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was getting tired himself, but one look at Mac, so pliant, so fragile, yet strong in the face of all the blows life gave him, one look at his kid and Jack knew that he was going to fight for both of them. That he was going to help Mac pull through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere around 5am, Mac's fever broke and Jack exhaled in relief as he covered Mac with the covers, and placed a kiss on top of Mac's head. He wasn't comfortable cuddling with Mac because a) the risk for Mac's temp going up was high and b) Jack wasn't sure how much he would be allowed to do that considering Mac was pretty out of it earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, he settled on the other side of Mac's bed, watching his kid sleep, draw and release even breaths, getting his own breathing to normal as his eyes tracked Mac's chest moving with every breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without even knowing, Jack drifted off himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was slowly coming to himself. He could tell that it was almost mid-day by the positioning of the light in the room and he felt well rested for a change. The last few days were tumultuous to say in the list and after spending the night in a county jail in the small town their mission went sideways just three days ago; as well as waiting an additional day for exfil, Jack was grateful to be in his own home, sleeping in his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which, now that he was more awake, but still with his eyes closed, Jack realized it wasn't his own bed, but Mac's. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Jack became more alert he realized he was warm and something was on top of him, trapping his whole right side. No, not something, someone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mac</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack finally opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Mac curled into Jack's right side, one hand bunched up into Jack's t-shirt and still sleeping, with his head on Jack's shoulder. Jack chuckled when a few strands of Mac's hair tickled his cheek. Mac stirred then and slowly opened his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack couldn't stop the smile at the sight of his boy waking up, all sleep mussed and soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack ran a hand over Mac's forehead to both check for temperature and for comfort. Mac moved towards the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, sleepy head. Looks like your fever is done and gone for good. I'll have to check once again, but I think you are okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac sighed and burrowed further in Jack, trying to make himself smaller. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack managed to free his right arm from under Mac and pulled Mac even closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does this mean you are going to exercise your right to ask for five more minutes because you don't want to face the thermometer, son?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack's only answer was a tiny nod against his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are lucky you are cute. But after those five minutes expire you'll do as I say, okay? You gave me quite the scare, bud, just wanna make sure you are really okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was actually half an hour later that they finally managed to extricate themselves from the bed and Jack measured Mac's temperature. It was down to 98, and Jack finally breathed a sigh of relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you really feelin'?” Jack asked Mac because even with his temp down to normal, Mac still looked tired and sleepy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you asking me or telling me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Other than the sniffles and scratchy throat, do you feel anything unusual that can be contributed to a cold or something else?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I mean, I was pretty cold since our last mission, but nothing else.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack started to connect the dots and if he wasn't way off mark, and if he had to guess then it was probably their last mission that led to Mac spiking a fever. Something about them getting arrested brought up the cruel memories back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Granted, the kid was always going to have a severe reaction to being arrested, and Jack himself had been scared shitless in the face of Mac's wild look whenever he was cuffed, but something about this particular op wasn't sitting right with Jack. For Mac to have a pretty vivid flashback like the one last night and to just check out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something must have shown on his face because suddenly Mac was calling his name and there was a worried look in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack? Jack, what's wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm okay, I'm okay. Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac wasn't convinced, but he let it go. Jack really hated to be the one to ask. If Mac wanted to share something with him, Mac would have done it. But at the same time it was eating at Jack ever since Mac said the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… uh, I'm sorry for what I'm going to ask. I know that you may find this like I don't trust you, but I do. With my life. I just want to make sure you… you are okay. And I believe you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe me about what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what happened last night? What you said?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac shook his head. Jack could guess only that much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really hated to have to ask Mac this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I mentioned that I have to take you to a hospital, because I was really freaking out with how high your fever was and the way you just checked out on me… you begged me not to take you there. You… um. You said that you weren't trying to… kill yourself. That no one believed you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was out there and Jack felt even more awful because of the look in Mac's eyes. That broken look that was ever present for so long after they took him in and Mac started working for the Phoenix. The look that spoke of the haunted days and nights for two years that Mac spent behind bars, the demons he carried around from all the times Mac was violated in more ways than one. Something Jack was sick of having to remind Mac with his question, but he knew that Mac could remember what he said one day and then maybe question why Jack didn't say anything. Jack didn't want it to look like he was pitying Mac with trying to circle around that topic and pretend like Mac never said a thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's okay if you don't want to tell me. I just… it came out of nowhere and it makes me wonder. And I want you to know that regardless of what happened, I do believe you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've been thinking about it for a few days now. Ever since we got arrested and Matty had to bail us out. One of the guys in the cell reminded me of one of the guys that… that tried to… It was so cold in the cell and for a moment I was back there, fighting for every breath.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack could tell that Mac was having a hard time to explain to Jack what exactly happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Mac's apprehension made much more sense. The way he kept close to Jack, eyes darting around, practically vibrating out of his skin. Jack chalked it up to typical fear of being in jail and what might happen during the night, but it was something more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack remembered how petrified Mac looked and imagining Mac having to go through something like what he described…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wanted to find everyone that hurt his kid and dispatch them from this world. Permanently. It wouldn't exorcise his demons or help him in the grand scheme of things, but boy was he tired from seeing Mac scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was an attempt of murder masked as an attempt of suicide.” Mac finally said and looked Jack in the eye. It spoke of a resignation and being peaceful over it like it was normal and not something that he was going to be heard about and Jack… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack just wanted to make it all go away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They… it was well thought out. The guard was in on it. I'm not sure he actually knew what they planned, maybe it was just that he thought they wanted some alone time with the new- Jack, what's wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wasn't even aware that he closed his eyes and was crying until Mac touched him to get his attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, it's just…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. It's okay. They can't hurt me anymore. It was pretty scary back then, but it's over.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can't hurt you physically, but they can through your memories. I'm so sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac took a deep breath. He wasn't finished with his story, yet and Jack wasn't going to interrupt now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They hung me from the bunk. They looped the rope around the post and they just left me there, thrashing and fighting for air. They were going to wait till I actually died, but they decided I was well on my way to stay around and confirm. I tried cutting the rope with a shiv, I was getting it ready just in case. But I didn't succeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In hindsight, that was even worse because it only added to what they thought of me. I was restrained and when I woke up in the infirmary I was so cold. I just wanted some reprieve and they all insisted that it was normal for someone going through what I had gone through trying to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Mac.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one would believe me. The guard backed them up and he said he didn't see anyone around my cell at the time it happened. I was being watched in solitary for 72 hours. Stripped naked because they couldn't risk me trying again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my God!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was awful. As if… going through… that wasn't enough, they just. I felt so much on display and it was awful. It was so soon after I went to prison… I couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. So many people wanted to kill me, from the cartels. And so many wanted to have fun. Just take me. A warm body to keep close to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Despite being raped and having my ass handed to me, I never would have. The thought of killing myself never even crossed my mind. No one believed me. And why would they? I was someone in a position that they expected me to break. It was like they waited for me to take the easy way out, to just give up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you didn't. You fought and you came out on the other side a winner. I know you don't see it like that, for so long you were seeing yourself as a criminal, and thinking you deserved to be there. But here's the thing, criminal or not no one deserves to go through what you did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I'm not just saying this because of you. I mean it Mac. No one should face such cruelty. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and it's unbelievable how cruel people can be to each other. But I definitely believe you. I just wish you had someone back then that would have believed you as well.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, me too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They just sat there in an awkward silence for a while, gathering their thoughts in face of what just transpired and the story Mac shared with Jack. Jack didn't know how to proceed, and obviously Mac wanted to say something, he just couldn't get to the right words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack finally decided to speak up first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that doesn't change a thing about how I see you, right? Mac, there's nothing, and I mean it, absolutely nothing that will change my mind about who I think, who I know you are. You are the bravest, the strongest, the most amazing person I know. Just being here, talking to me today is proof of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have taken the easy way out, but you didn't. Life's knocked you around since you can remember, yet you are kicking back. And that's frankly amazing. You haven't let what happened to you define you in a way where it'll cripple you and you will become someone unrecognizable. You are still you. Kind, loving, just… you are so caring. You see the best in people even when they've given up on themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You taught me so many things and I owe you so much of my happiness ever since met you. I know this sounds sappy, and I usually don't say this in so many words despite being verbose. But I want you to know this. And to remember it. I believe in you. And I'm proud of you and how far you've come.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was aware he was tearing up again, but he didn't give a damn. It wasn't like Mac was judging him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He once again had an armful of a distressed kid when Mac practically crawled in his lap to hug Jack, but Jack just held on and let Mac to get his fill on the contact. It was a gamble on how Mac would take touch in general. Mostly he craved it, but often when he was reminded of his time in prison and people getting handsy with him, it set him off and Jack was always careful. Initiating contact, but mostly he let Mac lead. And whatever Mac wanted, Jack was going to give him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jack.” Mac murmured. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, kid. Thanks for sticking around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for staying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack understood everything Mac didn't say. Being grateful for Jack choosing him. For being there for him. For believing in Mac. And Jack planned on showing to Mac just how much he loved and appreciated his boy. How much he was glad that he met Mac. And that Mac was willing to let Jack in his life. It was a damn good feeling to have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Happiness. Love. Acceptance. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thoughts?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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